Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and Writing

Fall has finally arrived (despite the 80 degree weather today). Orchard trees are heavy with ripe apples. Pumpkins and Halloween candy already line the shelves. And Starbucks has a line a mile long for a new pumpkin-spice drink. 

Oh yeah, and seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is kicking in. 

In short, SAD is a type of depression that's brought on by changes in the seasons. While most people are afflicted during the fall/winter months, there are those, like a few close friends of mine, who struggle with spring/summer SAD. Both are forms of depression, but while winter depression leads to oversleeping, craving carbs, weigh gain, and low energy, summer depression deals more with insomnia, weight loss, and anxiety. Of course, each person is different, and your symptoms may vary. 

I can concur, though, that when winter depression starts to set in, I generally want to hibernate. The dream of wrapping up in a warm blanket with hot cocoa and carbs and nesting on the couch with pumpkin bread sometimes gets me through the day, even if it does make me less productive later. 

I know there are people out there who don't believe that SAD is a thing. How can the weather have such a change on people's moods? Well, if weather changes can lead to someone having migraines, why is it so unbelievable that they can cause depression as well? For winter depression, the longer nights and lack of light tends to set off people's circadian rhythms in a negative way. I already have trouble sleeping, and winter depression makes it harder for me to get up in the morning to face the next day. I find myself wandering around my house at night, unable to get myself to sleep because I don't want to face the morning, and then I'm even more exhausted come sunrise, which doesn't prep me for a good day at work. 

The low energy, trouble sleeping, and difficulty concentrating can have a very negative impact on my writing as well. When my brain is snarling with negative thoughts (guilt, worthlessness, hopelessness), sometimes the last thing I want to do is put my fingers to the keyboard. NaNoWriMo can pull me out of that mood for about a month, but then it's back to me curling up on the couch, not wanting to move or even look at my screen. I'm probably the least productive during my winter months simply because I just don't have the energy to come up with ideas. 

It's a wonder I'm actually able to launch books in December. 

SAD isn't something to take lightly. When things get bad, it's not unusual for people to have thoughts of death or suicide. That likely is what pushed me towards my near attempt in February. The depression was just too much to handle, and I slipped over the edge. 

So what can you do to combat it? Treatments can include light therapy, medications, or psychotherapy. I started light therapy last winter, and I could tell it made a difference. I set up special light boxes and just sit in their glow for 30-45 minutes everyday. The light is supposed to simulate sunlight, which can help with my circadian rhythm and mood. I'm actually going to start using the boxes again starting today before it gets too dark outside, just so I can start to feel their affects. 

I've been told, too, that an increase in vitamin D can also help with your mood during winter depression. However, you want to be sure you talk to your doctor about that before you take pills, to make sure you're not getting too much vitamin D. 

Other things to consider if you're struggling with SAD:

• Be kind to yourself. You're not alone in this struggle, so don't beat yourself up for feeling this way.

• Create a safe, comfortable environment for yourself. If it means setting up blankets and pillows for you to snuggle in after work, then do that. At least you'll know it's waiting for you.

• Reach out to friends or family if you're struggling and maybe go spend time with them to get your mind off of the depression.

• Hot baths or showers, massages, or other things that bring physical comfort.

• Light-hearted movies/shows. My depression often gets worse if I watch sad stuff, so try to have back-up things you can watch to make you feel a little better.

• Put up Christmas lights. I know this sounds silly, but I'm always a little happier when I have bright Christmas lights up during the dark months.

• Keep a journal and write out your emotions. Writing can be very cathartic especially when you don't understand why you're feeling so bad.

• Have the suicide hotline available: 1-800-273-8255 If you feel low enough that you're afraid you might want to take your life, please call the suicide hotline, visit your local hospital, or reach out to someone you trust. It will get better.

Depression can feel like a dark tunnel without a light at the end, but in the case of SAD, it doesn't last forever. The changing seasons can bring you relief after a long, difficult episode. There's no shame in admitting that you're feeling this way. Like I said, this affects many people, and you're not alone at all in your struggles. Just know what steps to take to help you safely through it.

Do you struggle with SAD? What kinds of things do you do to help yourself? List them below! 

Learning Self-Care as a Writer

I know I've talked about this topic before, but it never hurts to get a reminder. I definitely need one right now. Self care can come in many different forms. It can be as "simple" as getting more sleep or eating better to nourish your body. But for writers, there's even more that we can do to treat our minds and bodies kindly. 

So where is this coming from? It's probably no surprise that I have high-functioning anxiety and depression. My default is to keep doing more and more things to keep myself busy so I don't have to deal with some of the nasty internal thoughts. I also deal with the feeling that I'm "not good enough" and my accomplishments mean I'm just a little bit more worthy to exist. I really wish I hadn't tied my self-worth to my writing (or my weight), but unfortunately it's happened, and I'm trying to learn to let go. I could feel myself trying to do too much again and I realized, begrudgingly, that I needed to step back. 

I just finished running the big I.O.W.A. author signing that I've written about. In the past week, I've been in a lot of physical pain due to the anxiety and tension that had built up over the months leading up to it. I have a book coming out in December that I'm still working on editing, and a few book signings on my plate. To top it off, I was considering making massive edits to my YA fantasy book, Dragon Steal, to participate in #Pitchwars later this month. All last week and part of this weekend, I could feel myself practically choking on the anxiety, and I knew that I had to make some changes. 

You see, my health has been pretty awful this year. I've gotten cellulitis four times since January, my migraines have gotten worse to a degree, I've gained weight I lost, and my sleep has suffered. Most of that I attribute to being too busy and not focusing on taking care of myself. There's always some other writing project, or work, or volunteer thing to get done. I'm terrible at staying still and resting, (and saying no), but it's come to the point that if I don't start making changes, I might not be around to do all the things I want to do. 

So, I decided that I would step back from #Pitchwars this year 1. to give myself a break and 2. to give my book the time and care that it needs. I cancelled one of my book signing events that would have equated to a 7 hr drive in one day all while I'm still trying to mend my legs from cellulitis. I'm trying to eat better foods and get more sleep, which means not working myself to the bone until 1 or 2 am to meet self-imposed deadlines. 

Living a writer's life is hard, especially with jobs and volunteer work on top of it. I think it's easy for us to stop focusing on our bodies and put our full attention to our work. Yes, sometimes when the deadlines require it, it's necessary, but at other times, we need to remember to breathe and take care of our bodies and minds. Depression and anxiety are both so common among writers because many of us tie our self-worth to our writing. So what can we do to break away from that? 

I don't have the answers, but I implore you to take some time and reflect on your own self care. Here are just a few ideas to try if you're pushing yourself too hard. 

• Take a break. Your book will still be there when you come back to it.

• Make sure you're getting enough sleep, if not for your health, then to help your mind stay awake and creative.

• Don't create unnecessary deadlines for yourself. Focus on what projects are important, and go from there. You don't have to participate in every writing contest.

• Make meals for yourself. Living off of fast food sucks.

• Give yourself a real vacation. Taking days off just to focus on writing isn't a vacation, it's work.

• Find other hobbies outside of writing that make you happy (I play PokemonGo).

• Snuggle with a pet. They need love too.

• Remind yourself that your worth is not dependent on your book.

• Stop and smell the flowers. Enjoy the little things in life that are so easy to neglect.

• Meditate.

Have any other self-care tips? Feel free to post them below. And remember, you are not alone in this. We all struggle with self care and self love. I believe in you.