Dragon YA Story Update

It's been a long time in coming, but I finally finished the rough draft of my YA LGBT Dragon story. This started out as a contest concept. The prompt was to write an LGBT story about knights that had a happy ending. A short story turned into a novel (big surprise). I started it in November 2016, took off a few months, and finished it the last week of April for Camp NaNo. I have a lot to add in and edit, but it's a step in the right direction. Right now it's 75k. I plan to make it no longer than 80k. On to updates for other projects. First, I intend to edit the Dragon book and send it off to a few beta readers. While they're going through that, I'll edit TOTC. I'll go back and forth between editing the two books until I send the Dragon book out.

Meanwhile, I'm going to be writing some short stories for Whimsical Whisker, and also preparing to post a series I'm writing with my co-author on Patreon. Yes, we've decided we're going to start getting our names out that way. And maybe then you'll see some of my writing.

I still have a story with the Iowa Review. I'm hoping to hear back soon if I won a spot in their publication.

Until then, I'll keep you all updated through the blog. I still intend to post helpful information, but this may also turn more into a personal blog as I get closer to sending work out.

Cheers!

Writing With Depression

I go through periods where I live and breathe writing. From the moment I wake up to the second I fall asleep, ideas flow through my mind. They can be distracting while I'm working, but I love it. I feel the passion and the thrill that remind me why I want to be a writer. But then there are the dark days when my mind is so clouded with doubt and self-loathing, I can't hear the ideas. This is what it's like to write with depression. One day I'm fine, and then for the next five weeks, I stare blankly at a white screen. That only serves to make me feel worse about myself. How can I call myself a writer if I can't even put a word on a page

I'm going through one of those periods right now. I thought I had climbed out of that pit of hell I'd dug for myself, but I'm lingering in purgatory now. I exist, but I'm not living. Each day goes by in a partial haze, and it's not due to medication I'm taking. I find little pleasure in anything, though I may smile and laugh at the small things. Coming up with ideas is as easy and desirable as smashing my hand with a hammer.

I'm, by nature, a pessimistic person when it comes to my own life. I can cheer others on and see their value, but I don't often see it in myself. So when I get in this state, I tend to attack the things I love most, and that's my passion for writing. Nasty words creep into my mind, "Why are you such a failure? Why aren't you writing? How can you call yourself a writer? You're terrible. You'll never amount to anything."

Pretty mean, right? That's how my mind works sometimes. It's like I don't feel like I'm allowed to enjoy anything good in my life because I'm unworthy of it. And unfortunately my writing tends to suffer because of that. How long this period will last is unclear, but for those of you who go through this, just realize you're not alone. Others feel the same way and it sucks...but you'll get through it.

The thing that helps carry me on is I know that flame, that passion, is still burning deep inside of me. One day I'm going to open my eyes and I'll feel the ideas warming my mind, reminding me why I want to do this for a living. It won't be perfect. And maybe the feeling will only last for a day, but I'm happy to cling to that hope. I'm happy to wait for the light to come and the darkness to fade.

"The End"

One of the exciting things about being a writer is watching your world and characters come together. For weeks, months, years, you work with the plot of the story, sometimes hating your writing, and sometimes thinking it's the most brilliant thing you've ever done. It all ends the same, though. One day, you find yourself penning those last words onto the page. Your characters have finished their journey, your world is complete, and the story that you've spun together has finally reached its end.

That's what happened to me today.

Four years and five months ago, I had an idea to write a short book that would consist of 23 chapters. The story was based on a dream that I had, and I thought it would be a great way to get my foot into the door at a publishing company. At that time, I had been working on another series, and I was quite honestly burnt out. I needed something fresh to spark my interest and get my muses working again. So, I started TOTC. I spent months writing the outline and researching. I knew my plot and my characters. I knew the world. I just needed some research about medieval history to help me along the way. Over the years my bookshelves filled with more and more volumes about medieval life, fairies, dragons, Celtic names, and so on and so forth. My search engine was consumed by the same things, and sometimes creepier searches like how long it takes for a body to burn on a pyre. I'm not joking...sometimes you have to research some weird things.

Fast forward to a few years in, and I started using National Novel Writing Month to write more chapters in my story. It was invigorating to sit with fellow writers and develop the story to my own satisfaction. Only once did I truly hate using NaNo to write the book, but I was also going through some personal problems at that time. During my darkest moments, I always had my story and my ideas.

As I continued working, I started to realize that this single book was not possible. If I wanted to give all of my characters their voices and really make the story mean something, I would have to split it into three books instead. I can't express the amount of relief I felt when I finally made that decision. I was able to write additional scenes that gave my characters more depth. My simple plot line twisted and twisted again until I found myself immersed in a war.

The most interesting thing I noticed was that the simple theme of the story had changed. It wasn't just about a woman trying to protect the people of the land, but it was about her finding herself again, as well as her faith in the Gods. I watched my protagonist grow from a frightened little girl to a powerful woman. And I grew with her. I found my voice in my writing, and even when I had moments of doubt, I always knew I would finish, no matter what the cost.

This past year, I used two Camp NaNos to try to complete the trilogy. I kept thinking, only 50,000 more words, only 50,000 more words. Actually, an additional 51,000 did the trick. I put the final words on the page today, and I felt a stirring in my stomach. Right now, I think it's relief, but there's a prickle of sadness as well. There's so much work left in the trilogy, but for now, the story is done. The characters have come as far as they are going to go, and it's time for the adult side of me, the editor, to step up and rip apart my whimsical world to make it even better.

I don't plan to do this right away. I'm going to put TOTC off to the side for the time being to give myself some separation before I tackle the editing process. For now, I just want to bask in the fact that I finally completed the trilogy. This journey has been a roller coaster ride, and I can't wait to see what's in the future.